Monday Called round to the 2nd XI Captain’s house to find him playing conkers with his vice-captain. When I asked what they were doing, they claimed it was part of a new “Option Analysis” technique - in this case, which players got selected for the 2nd XI. “What do you do outside of the conker season?” I asked. “Well, later in the year we play marbles”.
Tuesday Told the chairman how pleased I was to see the 2nd Captain taking selection seriously. The Chairman apologised for them playing conkers. “Oh don’t apologise. After the selection meetings I have been to in the past, they’ve finally come up with a technique I can understand.”
Wednesday The Chairman told me that he is writing a report for the “Sporting Life”. His research has shown that conker-made selections are nearly twice as likely to be accepted by Selection Committees than those produced by any other children’s game.
They are also three to four times more likely to be adopted than those generated by traditional methods of determining skill and ability.
Thursday This conker technique has proved remarkably accurate. So much so that I have decided to adopt the same procedure to selection of the 1st XI.
Friday It is time to plan who will form the team for the cup match. As usual there is bitter rivalry. No-one wants to be selected for the 1st XI. In previous years we have tried ballots, points systems and the old Captain’s standby - personal favourites. All have resulted in acrimony and season-long recriminations. Not so this year. Conkers at two paces in Glengormley!!!